... helping children cope with temporary paternal separation

Children need to be reminded that Dad is still there for them,

even if if he's not around. 

and

Dad needs to know that the rest of the family is

getting on OK without him. 

Mrs W. has 3 children and her husband is in Afghanistan.  She tells us here about some of the 'silly things' that she does with her children to ease the pain of separation and a few of the surprising joys that she has encountered...

• We shout good night to daddy each night.  It really tested me during the first days but it has become such an integral part of our bedtime routine.  We chose a theme from the day and do it together – eg upside down, in a French accent, whispering, whilst making Indian whoops.  It generally results in us laughing our pants off which is a fantastic tonic.
• We have a clock up in the kitchen showing his local time and at every meal we consider what he might be doing.
• Each of the children have a book that they use to write and draw and stick stuff in to share with Daddy when he comes home – rather like the treasure chest idea
• We have a list of things we plan to do with Daddy when he comes back and we add to it most days!
• The children make dates to meet daddy in their dreams, at dinosaur park, at the beach, swimming etc.  The stories that come out the next day can be hilarious!!
• We are dead honest with each other about how we are feeling and boy does it pay off!  I admitted on Friday that I was dog tired and had no patience left!  When we got home from swimming, unprompted the children went upstairs and ran me a bath.  My eldest boy led me upstairs, solemnly handing me the matches (he’s not allowed to ‘play with fire’!!) and said ‘You need to light some candles Mummy’ (the candelabra from the dining room table had been balanced on the windowsill in the bathroom) and then I was instructed to get into the bath.  He went downstairs and poured me a glass of wine and then he and his sisters gave me a back massage whilst in the bath!  Between hoots of laughter and tears I marvelled at my beautiful children and their thoughtfulness.  Without our separation we would never have had that opportunity as we would simply have trundled through life without connecting at the level we are connecting at right now.

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