The author, Chris MacGregor, describes the story behind the My Daddy's Going Away... children's book.
I am a serving British Army officer of The King's Royal Hussars. I spent the majority of 2007 training for, and fighting on, military operations abroad. I also have two children, Ellie (3) and Ben (5). Before I departed I recorded a story for them so that they could hear my voice whenever they wished. They missed me very much. Fortunately, their anxieties were generously soothed by their mother. Vicky was able to answer their questions, share their concerns and comfort them through a combination of her maternal instinct and her experience gained over 10 years as a Paediatric & Learning Disabilities Nurse in places such as Great Ormond Street Hospital and Naomi House Hospice. I learnt a great deal from her and how she dealt with Ben and Ellie's questions, tantrums, sulks and the changes in their behaviour. With the support of the Army Welfare Service, my psychology degree and Vicky's professional experience, I thought that we, as a family, would be able to cope well. But life is never easy - and there were occasions when Ben and Ellie became real handfuls; their behaviours changed for the worse and their questions about my absence grew more difficult to answer; especially in the early days when I would be coming and going, away for days or weeks, but always popping back with dirty laundry and longing to see my children. For them, this was more difficult to handle that when I finally deployed and was away for months. It occurred to me that if Vicky and I found it difficult so must other parents - but I was then in the perfect position to help.
So in 2007, as I returned from an emotional tour of Iraq I set about writing something to benefit the children and families of others. Having commanded over 100 soldiers (with over 50 children between them) in what was an intense operational tour, I noticed that the soldiers who had said goodbye properly, and sorted out their personal affairs before leaving, were much better able to work on operations without undue distraction. One of the better ways of preparing for what they were about to do was preparing their families for their absence. If this is true for the military community, I suggest it is also true for all businesses; soldiers are not the only fathers to leave their children behind and all children need to understand why their fathers are leaving them.
Daddies who have happy families at home are better able to cope with the stresses of their profession when they are away, and their children can be taught coping strategies by mums and friends.
Children who are offered an explaination as to why their Dads have gone away, and that there is no fault, and that their Dads will love and care about them all the time they are away, will be better adjusted thoughout the absence....at least in theory!
Mums who understand the emotional shifts they feel, and that they see in their children, are better able to cope with the added strains of looking after their family while Dad is away.
There was an obvious need for a children's picture book to help explain that many daddies have to go away to work, they continue to love their children whilst away and that there are tricks to make the absence easier, and that daddies do return home too! In 2007, I thought through the concepts and started to write the poem as I sat on a plane flying off on yet another trip abroad. This website and the book aim to provide a forum for improved understanding and well-being.
The more I thought about the idea, the more I realised that I wanted to:
1. Write the words for an inspirational and original children’s book for families within which the father has to leave his children and home temporarily. The poem is written carefully to embrace all professions.
2. Provide a medium through which parents can explore separation anxiety with their children, offering factual ‘top tips’ for Mums in a fun and open manner, prior to and throughout, a father’s absence.
3. Benefit children who have to endure periods of paternal separation and thus bolster their welfare support.
I hope that the My Daddy's Going Away... book and this website will help all those Dads and families who have to endure temporary separation from each other. My Daddy's Going Away... is published by Giddy Mangoes and is available here...